The Android Sister

Derby Name Debut

2009-08-14T19:04:00.002-05:00

Hey Folks! It's the moment you've all been waiting for. The awesome reveal of my kick-ass derby name. Well, here it is in all it's nerdy glory!

The last three months...

2009-07-14T22:22:00.002-05:00

In the last three months I went skydiving, went to Bonnaroo and Rock the Garden, and became a North Star Roller Girl. The roller girl bit was the hardest part and it still is. I'm very out of shape and twice a week I get my ass kicked by the trainers. Instead of writing everything out I've decided to provide photographic evidence courtesy of facebook.

First, skydiving!

Next, Bonnaroo and Rock the Garden.

And finally, pictures from North Star tryouts.

I don't normally do this but...

2009-04-28T10:22:00.003-05:00

Hey everybody! This Sunday I'm participating in a walk to help raise funds and awareness about MS. I'm a little late to fundraising thing but I was hoping some of you would be willing to help out. I'll put in the footwork, you just need to click a few buttons. I know some people that would really appreciate it.

It's not insensitive if it's funny...

2009-04-12T19:30:00.006-05:00

Happy Easter everybody! My life has been going pretty great lately. I was in Minneapolis this past weekend for the Minnesota Roller Girl championships. I don't know why I've never seen this sooner. It was athletics and theatrics all combined into one awesome night. It got me to thinking, not only do I want to be a roller girl for Halloween, but I want to be a roller girl in real life. Jing and I got to thinking about what our roller names would be. I, of course, want to do a play on the whole blond hair, blue eyed thing so I was thinking, thinking, thinking. And then it came to me in a flash of genius..."E** *****" (apparently one is supposed to keep their name super secret so it isn't stolen). It's cool though because I ran it by a bunch of the derby crowd and they loved it. Jing's name would most likely be "Killa the Hun." I'm going to hit the gym hard and relearn how to roller skate. I think I've found my true calling.

Lost: Section By Section Reaction (SPOILERS!)

2009-02-25T20:05:00.005-06:00

Because I don't have anyone to watch "Lost" with and discuss these things, I'm going to write them here in my blog. Because nothing is funnier or more entertaining than my disjointed ramblings about wacky TV shows. If you haven't watched the episode yet and actually care, don't continue, it might give away stuff.

Pt. 1:
Who's that guy? New people? Dammit! Wait, were they on the plane to Guam? Are there more survivors from another crash? WHAT?! So, the whole plane went down? I thought the Oceanic 6 just sort of vanished.

HE'S ALIVE AGAIN?!

Pt. 2
Wouldn't Locke be full of embalming fluid and all his blood removed. Because he lasted a pretty long time. Why didn't he travel with the island? Why is he in the desert? Oh no! His legs! Rebels? That can't be good. What's wrong with him? Who's that creepy guy behind the mosquito netting? Oh, those were antibiotics. OH GOD! How'd he break his leg so badly? Charles? There's more leaders? I still want to know why Richard never ages. Widmore doesn't seem like that bad of a guy. A war? Over an island? Whose power can't be harnessed effectively? I still don't know how it can be used for evil.

Pt. 3
Locke is special because he's special. That's circular reasoning. Was there some sort of crazy star alignment when he was born? Whoa! It IS that guy from "Fringe." Uh oh, wheelchair. Sayid speaks Spanish? Was this whole timeshift to explain why Walt looks so old? He's such an awkward teenager! No, his dad is dead. Is Walt considered part of "everyone?"

OOH! The Watchmen!

Pt. 4
MY MIND IS BEING BLOWN RIGHT NOW! Why is that guy so creepy!? I wish Kate would just die. Let her go back in the coffin. And then don't bring her back to life. Terry O'Quinn is an amazing actor. Creepy guy is a snappy dresser. Look at him mixing baby pink and chocolate brown. Helen's dead? She was so good for him. Noooo!!
Who's shoooting? That guy can't die! He's too important! He finds stuff. That accident can't be how he dies. Locke is too hardcore for that.

Pt. 5
Oh good, that didn't kill him. Last season when Jack was all alcoholic he was freaking out about how they shouldn't have left, how they need to go back. Is this before or after? Jack is angry about Locke seeing his dead father on the island? Didn't Jack see him all the time? Shoot, what did that note say? How can he stand? He's paralyzed when he's not on the island. Oh yeah, he hung himself. I don't know who to trust anymore. Ben or Widmore? John has to die. Richard said so. John shouldn't have told Ben that Jin is alive. Wait, he didn't hang himself. Now, why would Ben go and do something like that? I'm just so confused!

Pt. 6
Ben Linus is CRAZY! Are they in the hatch? I thought it blew up. So, the Six did vanish. But the plane still crashed and other people got stuck there. Ben Linus is dead? Injured? I have to wait a whole week?

No real inspiration

2009-02-07T11:55:00.004-06:00

Hey folks. I'm sitting here at a speech tournament with nothing to do until 1:30...maybe. I've judged some interp and some PA. It's been real uneventful. Almost a month has passed since I've gotten back from Mexico. For those interested I've got pictures of it here and here.

After I got back I started focusing on my career again. I'm still in that quarter-life crisis that started back in mid-December. It all began with my heart breaking and then dissatisfaction with my job and then a family tragedy. I realized that if I was going to fulfill all of my goals and dreams then I should get started because life is short and you can't wait for awesome things to happen to you. So I talked to the supervisor of the autopsy lab about the work that they do and some possible leads in other parts of the clinic that deal with pathology. It was very interesting. Then I got to talk to an assistant pathology student and she gave me some great advice and put the process into realistic terms. I've also tried to chat up one of our specialists about getting me transferred to somewhere in anatomic pathology. She says she'll write me a really good recommendation and pull some strings. I love this woman!!

But at the same time I feel bad for wanting to leave my original lab because the majority of the people I work with are amazing and make my day great! But it shouldn't be just the people that make your job good. There shouldn't be a lot of days where you come home from work and need to shower just to feel normal again. I want to go to work for the sake of my work. Not for the paycheck or benefits or anything like that.

Sorry if I sound whiny, but I've been wanting to get that off my chest. To make up for it, I'll leave you with the cutest thing I've seen since I looked in the mirror this morning.

Matthew McConaughey

2009-01-10T20:14:00.001-06:00

How does somebody go from this to this?

Gah! So excited!

2009-01-04T22:16:00.004-06:00

Merry New Yearmas! Is it just me or was Christmas awesome this year? It wasn't just me? That's great! I was so on the horse this year. I got Christmas letters out, I got all my presents wrapped before I got home to Brookings, and I even managed to get to a Holiday party in St. Cloud too! I rung in the New Year with friends and was able to walk home without passing out in the snow. That is a successful holiday season if I ever heard one (Evidence of which is provided below). And now, in a week and some hours, I'm going to MEXICO! Like the good part, not the sketchy, drug smuggling part. I've got a swimsuit, an acceptable amount of tank tops and skirts, and an amazing dress...and enough sunscreen to keep me covered for a week (which is one family-size bottle). Happy January everybody!

CHRISTMAS!!

2008-12-10T22:11:00.000-06:00

I like this so much I might just leave it up all winter.

Good day

2008-12-08T16:15:00.002-06:00

Hello faithful readers! Are you aware that I'm a Pittsburgh Steelers fan now? I am. It all started with an innocent invitation to watch the game at a bar. Now I'm a bloodthirsty Pittsburgh fanatic. You know what's even better? I've been working Saturdays so when I go to a game on Sunday, I can over-celebrate a win and spend Monday recovering. So I spent today recovering. I went to get a burrito and I got one for free. An employee walked up to me and said "Today your burrito is free." That was awesome! And now it's snowing like crazy and I've got Christmas lights in my house plants and I LOVE CHRISTMAS! Yep, I'm excited for the Holidays.

Unthanksgiving

2008-11-26T21:02:00.003-06:00

I'm working tomorrow but it still feels like a Friday night. Probably because I'm sitting here post-shower. Normally the shower is in preparation for going out. But today it was to get my skin a bit damp so I could wrap myself in a protective layer of moisturizing lotion. OH GOD IT'S SO DRY RIGHT NOW!! I've always been a bit sensitive to the dry weather but this is horrible. It's itchy and tight and miserable. I need to invest in a humidifier and a vat of oil. I will sleep in the oil as the humidifier runs on full blast. That is the only way I think I can solve this. Blech.

TV

2008-11-17T22:15:00.002-06:00

The television was pretty good tonight. "How I Met Your Mother" helped me to articulate what bothers me about stereotypical bachelorette parties. "The Big Bang Theory" introduced a new version of Rock, Paper, Scissors called Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock. And The Daily Show just ripped apart the state of Minnesota. Man, I love rotting my brain.

I have a whole playlist of this stuff

2008-11-12T22:41:00.001-06:00

I love the look the cat gives at the end. So sad.

Wow TLC, way to be subtle

2008-11-09T22:01:00.002-06:00

Now that the election is over I've gone back to my usual hobbies of watching medical train wreck shows on TLC. But the hinting and allusions to the conditions highlighted on these specials has ended completely. Now the titles consist of "The Woman With Giant Legs" and "World's Heaviest Man". At least include the actual name of the disease to give a veneer of credibility. Ugh, I need some sort of debate or something to vote for again.

You've made me the happiest girl in the world!

2008-11-05T13:36:00.000-06:00

The DFL party at the Marriott was insane. It got even crazier when victory was declared. I had the time of my life. Thank you to everyone who voted and a bigger thank you to everyone who voted democratic.

Please, for me?

2008-10-29T23:53:00.003-05:00

5 More Friends

Making good decisions

2008-10-27T13:40:00.003-05:00

Hey Readers,

November fourth is right around the corner and it's a very important day for America. It's election day. It's our chance to make a difference, a change for the better. Please, don't forget to vote dear Readers. And put thought into who and what you're voting for. Please.

-The Android Sister

An open letter to Rep. Michelle Bachman

2008-10-20T22:10:00.005-05:00

Dear Ms. Bachman,
I was upset to hear the remarks you made on "Hardball With Chris Matthews" over the weekend about liberals being anti-American and their actions and viewpoints needing investigation. First, and foremost, when an American citizen is afraid to voice a dissenting viewpoint or suggest that something is wrong with our country under fear of crimination, the values that make this country unique are lost. The First Amendment gives me the right (not priveledge) to say that I don't like how America is being run without being afraid of cops knocking down my door at night and arresting me, or having my citizenship revoked.

Secondly, simply criticizing this country or the administration for its current condition is NOT anti-American. This is what annoys me most about conservatives. Let's put forth the analogy of America being our child. And this child is sick. Conservatives are ignoring the disease and instead talking about the good grades this child used to get in school. Liberals realize when a child is sick, you take that child to the doctor and you make them better. Because we love this country and want to see it healthy and strong and are willing to make sacrifices to get it there.

This November 4th, we are going to elect a president that will represent the entire country, not just the parts of America that are blindly patriotic and see nothing wrong. I want a president that will see the things (not the people) wrong with America and say exactly how we need to change them. That's what a leader is, not someone who belittles and threatens those who have the audacity to say what needs fixing. Open up your eyes Ms. Bachman, the North won the civil war and we are still one country. Like it or not, you represent my gay (and gay-friendly), theater-loving, liberal friends up in St. Cloud along with the old, uber-religious, conservative business men who live there too. We are all equally American and deserve your consideration. "Liberal" is not a dirty word, just someone with a different viewpoint.

And could you do me a favor? Pass this message along to Sarah Palin, John McCain, and Nancy Pfotenhauer? Thank you.

Sincerely,
Jessie W.

The one thing I learned in middle school...

2008-10-16T22:54:00.002-05:00

When I was a middle schooler, I was fat and awkward and smart. Luckily my smarts prevailed over my awkwardness and I survived. Unfortunately my awkwardness forced me to forget most of my learnings. The only thing I REALLY remember is this trifecta of health from gym class. It was this triangle with physical, mental, and social health points on it. We learned that you were not truly healthy until each point was balanced in your life. Everybody needed a perfect triangle.

Now, if I didn't have this blog and my Myspace blog, I'd totally think my life was balanced and perfect. But reading through my past thoughts and social interactions, I've come to realize that I'm an incredibly unbalanced triangle. I'm out of shape and incapable of maintaining a relationship past four months. Why must middle school haunt me into my successful, post-college years!? I would be completely happy if I didn't know I was so unhappy. Perhaps I need a Halloween resolution to forget about seventh grade health, and get on with life. To hell with you Ms. Weiland! I'm happy about my physical condition and inadequate love life! I'll just drink beer until I'm pleased with myself! Yay me!

Cortisol, Free, Urine

2008-10-01T15:21:00.002-05:00

Every time I'm at this bench I have too much free time. Done by three on cortisol free! I just made that up now. This past weekend I was in a wiffleball tournament. I'm not good at sports. People catch the ball when I hit it, I fall when I try to run, and I'm afraid of injury. But I had lots of fun. Then for the next two days I stayed in my apartment. I did not, contrary to what my mom said, go to the cities. I'm going up this weekend and forgoing hobo days. Jing's taking the LSAT and we need to celebrate the end of the sadness. Any good suggestions for where we should go?

Life is sweet...

2008-09-22T18:21:00.005-05:00

This past weekend I was in the Cities visiting Jing, one of my bestest friends from high school. We had tickets to see Ratatat on Friday night. We weren't really sure we wanted to see them perform live. I mean, how awesome can electronica be in concert? As it turns out, quite awesome. Amazing, in fact. It was the second best concert I've been to...ever. That includes all but one Black Keys show. We stopped by O'Donavan's Pub beforehand to get some drinks and chicken strips. We indulged in some people-watching/boy-shopping. Lo and behold, walking down the sidewalk comes three kids we graduated with (and their roommate). What? They're going to the same show as us? Awesome! After some shameless flirting with the cute waiter we head over to take in some music. The first band E*Rock was catchy and danceable. The second band, Panther...was not good. There was a lot of yelling and some guy pounding on a drum. But Ratatat. Was. Phenomenal. The entire room was dancing. There was not one pretentious hipster too cool to dance. Everybody was moving. It was magical. I can't wait until they come back. Afterward all the BHS Bobcats went to Pizza Luce and celebrated being awesome.

The next night was Too Much Love and then a v-neck party at The Hellings' etc. What's a v-neck party you might ask? Everybody wears a v-neck shirt. That's it. Everybody can participate. Lovely.

Sunday was spent in the park reading comics.

Every trip to The Cities gets better and better. I can't wait until next time. Maybe I'll even call my brother.

Sometimes we should listen to celebrities

2008-09-15T20:50:00.001-05:00

Matt Damon calls Palin a 'disaster'

My Friday night

2008-09-14T17:42:00.004-05:00

This past Friday night I was up in the Cities for a wonderful comedian named Mike Birbiglia. I would spell out his name phonetically but I don't want to be here all day. I've got a wardrobe to change out. Hooray for fall, it's finally hoodie and sweater weather. Oh, pardon me, I've gone off on a tangent. That's one of the great things Birbiglia does (although when he does it, it isn't annoying). One story will lead into another which will lead into another. Each one as funny or funnier than the last. But it's not only funny. They're tinged with emotion and life lessons. Everyone can identify with something Mike has experienced. I, for instance, am an awkward white kid with hypochondria and has a problem dealing with things that are real problems and avoids confrontation like the plague. But no matter how uncomfortable or frightening his experiences are, he can still laugh about them. For this reason, his appeal (especially with the Midwest crowd) is enormous. That's how we deal with things. We laugh about them. And holy crap did I laugh! Some comedians can spur a sudden and quick guttural laugh that dies out quickly. I laughed so hard I couldn't breathe, I started coughing. The entire audience laughed for almost the entire set (with the exception of maybe three serious moments which were immediately followed by a joke). I hope he comes back to town soon. Just like with bands, seeing a comedian like Birbiglia live, reminds you why you became a fan in the first place. Mike has confessed many times that he googles himself almost constantly. I hope he finds this so I can say, "Thank you Mike. That was hilarious!"

This made me laugh for ten minutes.

2008-09-08T16:47:00.000-05:00

Dutch “g” “ch” and “r” are all pronounced more or less the same (although the Dutch insist they’re different) - a harsh, guttural “kh” sound (like you’re clearing phlegm from your throat). So the word “gracht” (canal) combines all three “kh” sounds in one word…that sounds really, really awful: “khkhakht.” This is why “Grolsch” (the beer) sounds like “Khkhols”, not “grolsh”.

Excerpted from DailyCandor.

Satisfaction

2008-08-26T21:18:00.002-05:00

Tonight, I went grocery shopping and made some curry from scratch, all before 8:30. Last time I made this curry, it took me until 10. Then I wasn't hungry anymore. But not this time. Now I'm watching The Office. Sometimes I'm so satisfied with my life I could puke.

You better get a helmet so it don't make a mess when this video blows your mind!

2008-08-25T19:15:00.002-05:00

MUTO a wall-painted animation by BLU from blu on Vimeo.

Stumbling when I should be sleeping...

2008-08-05T22:58:00.003-05:00

Ever since I added StumbeUpon to my browser, I haven't been getting to bed on time. But I DID find this neat little internet game thingy.

1 - Go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first random Wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2 - Go to Random quotations: http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.

If you want to do this again, you'll hit refresh to generate new quotes, because clicking the quotes link again will just give you the same quotes over and over again.

3 - Go to flickr's "explore the last seven days" http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/
Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

Put it all together, that's your debut album.

My band, Privacy Laws of the United States, will be releasing its album "Medal to be Successful" with some sweet cover art. (See above) Of course 'medal' could be switched out for 'metal' making for an awesome play on words.

Don't you hate it when...

2008-07-25T07:04:00.001-05:00

your brain keeps playing your most embarrassing moments over and over in your head and it won't stop because you're crazy? Yeah, I hate it too.

In turn, so does my apartment

2008-07-23T22:43:00.000-05:00

Why does Rochester smell like poo right now?

summer vacation: the aftermath!

2008-07-15T23:17:00.004-05:00

So my weekend of hauling piles of leaf-shaped concrete turned out not so bad. I got to see some friends I hadn't seen in a while. I got to eat fried food on a stick. I got enough sun exposure to fulfill my vitamin D requirements for the rest of the summer. My parents made off like bandits exploiting the tastes of those that own lake cabins. And my brother got a free ride home. But at least I didn't concede to buy him drinks. Wait a minute...I did. But he retracted his request because he's a good guy.

Bear witness!

2008-07-15T20:51:00.000-05:00

Behold! My nerdiness is now encapsulated in music video form!!

http://www.eppendorf.com/int/hawkpopup.php?contentid=13

Summer vacation

2008-07-09T20:34:00.002-05:00

On Thursday I drive up to Mpls. to pick up my bro and then we head home to Brookings to haul leaf-shaped chunks of concrete across town and through a park for two days. I'm using paid-time off for this? Maybe there will be a beer or two involved somewhere.

It's official...

2008-07-05T18:45:00.001-05:00

I hate nature. Don't get me wrong. I can handle hanging out in someone's back yard or something. But I'm going to hate all the little creatures associated with it.

Mangled Bat Body Pt. II

2008-07-03T19:50:00.006-05:00

Scene: The spare bedroom of a home in Rochester. Morning light is trickling in and a figure is seen underneath the covers. This figure is JESSIE. Suddenly an alarm goes off from a cell phone on the bedside table. JESSIE moves to silence the alarm and get out of bed.

Jessie: Crap.

JESSIE is still dressed from the gym the night before, hair still in pigtails. She walks to the front door, cell phone and keys in hand, slides on a pair of flip-flops and exits. JESSIE drives to her apartment and gingerly walks through the back door. She picks up where she knocked items onto the floor in a bat-panic. She then carefully pokes her head out of her bedroom door. Seeing no activity, she walks into the living room and does a quick visual inspection before going out the front door. JESSIE sits on the front step of her building and dials MOM.

Jessie: Hey Mom.

Mom: Hey honey, how's it going?

Jessie: It's alright, I had to sleep at Katey's last night.

Mom: Oh, that's good. Were you able to sleep well?

Jessie: Better than if I had slept at home.

MARK's van drives up and parks in front of the building.

Jessie: Okay Mom, my landlord is here so I gotta go.

Mom: Okay, good luck.

Mark: Hey, so, what's the story?

JESSIE recounts last nights events in a quick abridged version, leaving out the shovel.

Mark: Okay, let's check this out.

MARK and JESSIE inspect the outer hallway, checking behind photos, in light fixtures, and along the floorboards.

Mark: Yeah, bats can be tricky. They'll hide behind pictures, in lights, pretty much anywhere.

Jessie: Yeah, could you not say that?

MARK and JESSIE continue the search in JESSIE's apartment. MARK calls in STEVE, another maintenance guy, to assist. The search continues for half an hour with no results.

Mark: Well, I think that bat from the hallway was your bat. But if he shows up again give me a call.

Jessie: Okay, thanks.

JESSIE spends the rest of her nights going to bed before it gets dark.

Can you taxidermy a mangled bat body?

2008-06-30T22:07:00.005-05:00

Scene: Friday night about 11:15 in JESSIE's dimly lit apartment. It's a pleasant June night as she sits on her couch watching television unwinding from a night at the gym. Stage is lit by one low-watt overhead bulb. JESSIE is still wearing what she wore to the gym and is eating honey-nut scooters directly from the bag. She is watching stand-up comedy on Comedy Central. All of a sudden, from the corner of her eye, she sees a fluttering from her kitchen to her living room. She looks up to see the fluttering go back to her kitchen. She assumes it is a moth and prepares to stand up to open the door to let the moth out into the night. The "moth" flies back into the living room and audience sees it is too large to be a moth. After a quick glance, one assumes it is a bird. But the shape and motion lead to the conclusion that it is, in fact, a BAT.

Jessie: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! (grabs pillow and starts swinging at BAT for several minutes. Knocks over water glass.)

JESSIE stands up and runs into her bedroom, slamming the door.

Jessie: Shit! My phone is in the living room!

JESSIE wraps herself in a blanket and cracks open her door. She sees no activity in her living room. She crawls to where her phone is, grabs it, and quickly crawls back to her bedroom. Sitting on her floor in a breathless panic for several minutes, she then calls her MOM.

Jessie: Mooom...there's a bat in my apartment.

Mom: OH GOD! That's horrible!

Jessie: What do I do?

Mom: Oh god, um, I'm not sure. Can you call animal control.

Jessie: I don't know, let me look it up. (JESSIE searches the internet for Rochester Animal Control.) They're closed. Should I call the non-emergency police number?

Mom: Yeah, do that and then call me back.

JESSIE hangs up the phone and dials the police.

Female officer: Rochester Police Department.

Jessie: Um, hi. I didn't know who to call in this situation because Animal control is closed and I'm scared and there's a bat in my apartment. What should I do?

Female officer: (Sounding bored and bothered) Um, you can turn off all your lights and open your door and maybe it will fly out.

Jessie: (Near tears) Okay, I'll try that. Thank you.

JESSIE calls MOM back

Jessie: THE POLICE DIDN'T CARE!! They told me to treat it like a moth!

Mom: Oh honey, I'm so sorry.

Jessie: Can Dad just come over and take care of this?

Mom: You know if he wasn't at work right he'd be throwing his shoes on and heading out that door. Maybe you could call your building management.

Jessie: Yeah, it's not too late to do that. I'll call them.

JESSIE dials the number for her bldg. manager.

Jessie: Um, hi. I'm sorry to be calling so late and I know this is going to sound crazy and I sound crazy but there's a bat in my apartment and I don't know what to do.

Mark: What? How'd it get in.

Jessie: I don't know. But it's in my living room. I'm barricaded in my bedroom now.

Mark: Well, do you need me to come over tonight or can I come over tomorrow morning.

JESSIE wrestles with the need to not sound crazy over having a BAT in her apartment.

Jessie: Well, I'm holed up in here and the bat's out there so I guess I should be okay tonight.

Mark: Okay, well, I'll be over tomorrow morning around 7:30.

JESSIE calls MOM back.

Jessie: Okay, so my building manager will be here tomorrow morning at 7:30.

Mom: WHAT!? Why can't he come tonight?!

Jessie: Because I didn't want to sound crazy!

MOM exchanges pleasantries with JESSIE in hopes of calming her daughter so she can sleep tonight. MOM mentions the gardening she will do the next day, her conversation with JESSIE's grandmother, and how she can blog about this later. JESSIE remarks that her brother, JAMES, would totally get a kick out of this. JESSIE hangs up with MOM and dials JAMES.

James: Ahoy-hoy!

Jessie: James, you want to do me a huge favor?

James: What?

Jessie: Could you take my apartment key I gave you, drive down here to Rochester, and get rid of the bat in my apartment?

James: You have a bat? Hang on, I'm going to let you talk to a bat expert. I'm going to hand the phone off. Are you ready? Here you go.

Justin: Jessie? I used to live in a house that had bats and I dealt with them all the time. Here's what you're going to do. You take an old sheet and you hold it up and wait for the bat to fly to where you are. You throw the sheet on top of the bat, grounding it. Then you can roll up the sheet without having to touch the bat and then throw the sheet outside and the bat can fly away.

Jessie: I don't think I can do that.

Justin: Yes you can. The bat is more afraid of you than you are of it.

Jessie: I don't know. I'm really scared.

Justin: You can do this Jessie. I'm going to give you back to your brother now. Okay?

Jessie: Okay.

James: Hey, you think you can do that?

Jessie: No.

James: Can you go around and open your front door from the other side?

Jessie: My keys are in the living room.

James: Shit.

Jessie: Maybe I can run out there real quick and grab them.

James: This will be easy Jessie. And if you kill it, then you could get it taxidermied.

Jessie: Can you taxidermy a mangled bat body? Because that's what I'd do to it.

After ten minutes of confidence building and strategic blanket wrapping JESSIE finally crawls into her living room and retrieves her keys from beside her door.

Jessie: Okay, I've got them. I'm going out my back door right now. (JESSIE walks out her back door, through the back hallway, and out the main back door arriving in her parking lot.)

Jessie: (Still on the phone with her brother.) I'm walking to the front of my building right now.

James: Do you have a weapon of some sort? Something to knock the bat away if it flies at you?

Jessie: All that stuff would be in my closet which is attached to my living room. I've got a Cocktail poster in the trunk of my car. OH WAIT! I've got a shovel! (JESSIE goes to her car, grabbing a small shovel from the trunk.)

James: Now go to your front door, open, and let the bat fly out.

Jessie: That sounds easy enough. (Jessie stands at her unlocked front door with her hand on the knob for five minutes. Removing her hand from the handle) Maybe I should open the main door first.

JESSIE opens the main door to the building and stands there for a moment before turning around to go back up the stairs. Suddenly, from the second level, a BAT comes flying down the stairs towards JESSIE. JESSIE starts frantically waving the shovel in the direction of the bat and screaming as though she is being murdered. The BAT flies down the stairs and then back up at JESSIE as she runs out the door screaming some more while waving a shovel and holding a cell phone. The BAT flies out the door towards her and then off into the night.

Jessie: (breathless) Oh my god James, it flew right at me. I'm so scared. Was that a second bat or the same bat? I can't breathe! I can't do this. I can't open that door.

JESSIE's neighbor opens her door to see what the hell happened.

Jessie: It's okay, there was a bat in here. I'm fine. It flew out.

NEIGHBOR returns to her apartment.

Jessie: Great, my neighbors think I'm crazy.

James: Maybe you could sleep at a friend's house tonight?

Jessie: You know what? That's a good idea. I'm going to call Katey. I'll call you later and let you know how the bat search went.

James: Talk to you tomorrow.

Jessie: (Walking up to her car carrying a shovel) Hey Katey, how's it going?

Katey: It's alright. What's up?

Jessie: Can I sleep at your place tonight? There's a bat in my apartment.

Katey: Oh my god, of course. Come over.

JESSIE drives to KATEY's house with only her gym clothes on, her cell phone and keys. JESSIE stays up for half an hour with KURT, MITCH, and KATEY before going to sleep feeling safe.

To be continued...

Ouch

2008-06-30T07:39:00.000-05:00

I always thought this blog didn't apply to me. Dang.

More musings later about bats.

My lab is on TV...sort of

2008-06-25T22:25:00.004-05:00

Mayo Clinic's division of clinical trial services has put together a promotional video of our laboratory capabilities. The endocrine lab appears for about 10 seconds (at most). The endocrine lab appears when the words "LC-MS/MS Technology" pop up on screen. The guy sitting at the computer is Brian. He's a development tech. And the guy walking away from the machine is Adam. Adam and the camera crew worked for about half an hour to get that one shot. The director just wanted the machine to move on cue. Yeah, that wasn't going to happen. How do I know this? Because if the camera panned 2 feet to the left, you would have gotten to see my pale, smiling face. So close, yet so far away.

Saving up the cash...

2008-06-17T20:49:00.002-05:00

I'm seriously getting into the market for a new car and now I'm conflicted between a Mazda 3 or a Honda Fit. AH! What do I do?!

I think they might be high...or my new best friends...

2008-06-05T18:02:00.001-05:00

Happy June

2008-06-01T21:10:00.003-05:00

Hey random readers. I'd like to wish everyone a happy June. It's finally warm outside. That means it's getting warm inside. I simultaneously did spring cleaning and the summer window-opening and fan-arranging today. I'm going to have to send a note about the central air to my building manager. It's still pretty nice outside so I've got cool air blowing in. It's only a matter of time until it gets too hot to do that. Right now though, it's downright pleasant.

What's also pleasant is the absence of a bird. There's no screaming, screeching, or pooping. I cleaned up around the former cage area and now it's a nice little nook displaying some pictures and my diploma. We'll see how I feel about him in the middle of July. He might come back.

You know what's not pleasant? Old, small, angry Asian women. This afternoon I wanted to take a nap so I laid down and was nice and comfortable when all of a sudden there's rapid knocking on my door. I'm not expecting anybody and I'd hope my friends would call before they showed up so I stayed in bed figuring it was Jehovah's Witnesses or something. There was more knocking and then some yelling. And then she started shaking the door as if she was trying to open it. Now, here's the thing. When I sleep, I prefer to sleep in my underclothing mainly because it's cool and comfortable. So when this woman started rattling my door, I panicked. I got up, looked through the peephole and saw this small Asian woman yelling something at me. I couldn't understand it though because it was not in English. She was holding what looked like a bucket of cleaning products. My brain was slowly waking up so I yelled "Hang on just a second!" She yelled something back. For a brief moment I thought she was housekeeping. So I put on pants and a shirt and checked the peephole again. She was gone. She never came back. And I'm still kind of freaked out about it.

Shameless pandering for friendship

2008-05-15T21:18:00.005-05:00

Who wants to see a cheap ($12) show at First Ave. with me? Bon Iver is my latest musical love and This show is on a Friday night in August. Come on! Please.

Hey Suckers!

2008-05-13T21:50:00.001-05:00

NPR's "All Songs Considered" is broadcasting from a Black Keys concert right now. It's so kick-ass! You can download it in podcast form later. DO IT!

Human Diseases

2008-05-04T23:33:00.001-05:00

It looks like my favorite genus of bacteria is in the news again.

It does the botulism, it does the tetanus, and now it does this!

It makes me feel weird...

2008-05-01T20:56:00.003-05:00

The readers of my blog know that I'm a huge Black Keys fan. There isn't much in this world that I love more than them. But lately they've been freaking me out a little. Their myspace has been asking us to vote for them on all sorts of MTV online contests. They're myspace darlings. Before I felt like they dealt with their fans on an individual level and now they're all "big-time" and I don't feel cared about. But then they do awesome stuff like their latest album produced by Danger Mouse or their cover of Captain Beefheart's song "I'm Glad." I mean, it's so cool! I'm tired of these mixed signals! I just need a sign from them that they still love me as much as I love them! Tonight, I cry myself to sleep.

Goal!

2008-04-15T20:48:00.002-05:00

The scale at the gym told me I lost 3 pounds! I'm so happy! But I really want some fried food right now! Dang it!

Strange times

2008-04-07T01:43:00.002-05:00

While the title of today's blog is also the title of a Black Keys song, this entry will have nothing to do with the amazing band from Akron, OH. What's strange is that someone searched for "Android sister monologues" and it brought them to the android sister blogspot. What? Is Eve Ensler putting out a new show? Should I be looking into possible identity theft? Also, "sister facts" and "colin firth" brought people here as well, but that's not as suspicious.

In a week and a half...

2008-04-01T21:28:00.001-05:00

On Friday, April 11th, I will be at a Black Keys concert with my brother, his friend, his friend's girlfriend, and MY MOM!!!

Distractions

2008-03-29T20:20:00.002-05:00

Today I woke up and wanted to make pancakes for breakfast. First I decided to shower. Then I noticed what a mess my room was. I decided to take care of that after I ate. I went into my kitchen nook and was dismayed at the mess I found there. My stovetop was grease-spattered, clean dishes weren't put away, dirty dishes were in the sink, and the floor needed sweeping. I put away the dishes, washed then dried then put away the dishes in the sink, cleaned my stove, and swept the floor. Well, my kitchen was so clean I thought the living room should match. I picked up the clutter, dusted off the shelves, and cleaned Spike's cage (not that he deserves it). I was about to vacuum but then I realized that if I were to vacuum I should take care of my bedroom too. I picked up the clothes, made the bed, cleaned off my desk and dresser, and organized my laundry. Finally I was able to vacuum. I thought that the carpet looked so nice I should do the couch too. I'm doing my laundry now and I still haven't gotten my pancakes. At least my place looks great!

If you give a mouse a cookie...

Weekend in Vegas

2008-03-24T14:19:00.004-05:00

I had a really fun time in Vegas and I didn't even blow all my money on alcohol or gambling. "How is that possible?" you might ask. Well, we flew in on Sunday afternoon and got to our hotel at around 5 pm. We checked in, rested up, and then went to find some dinner. We walked halfway down the Strip and found a sports bar with giant, novelty booze containers. We all got a ridiculous amount of strawberry daquiri with our meals and looked forward to our adventures in Las Vegas. We had a fuzzy walk back to our hotel with our novelty drinking vessels in hand. When we got back we wanted to see the Coyote Ugly bar in our hotel. It looked like a pretty fun place in the movie and thought "Why not?" So we got all prettied up and stood in line for 20 minutes to pay a $10 cover for the most boring bar in the entire state! It was just a bunch of middle aged guys staring at girls dancing on a bar. It wasn't even choreographed dance. The majority of the girls were other patrons. Drinks were overpriced. It was small, and there wasn't a bathroom. I had to go downstairs and across the lobby to find one. After about half an hour of that I started feeling sick from daquiri so I went back to the room and went to bed.

The next morning we all woke up around 9 and went down the pool. Our group got our very own hot tub so we lounged around and had drinks for a while before enjoying some sun on the deck. After that we all got dressed and scrounged up some lunch at a Mexican restaurant in our hotel (New York, New York). We spent the rest of the afternoon walking around exploring the strip and taking pictures of everything. I'll post a link to an album later when I have all the photos downloaded. Then that night we went to a lounge at the MGM Grand and then to the Excalibur for a night of casino fun. Yours truly won $60 at black jack. Everybody else lost money. I WIN! At about 2 am I decided to go to bed.

On Tuesday, Katey and I wanted to see the Wax Museum and Secret Garden while the others wanted to stay by the pool all day. So that's what we did. The Secret Garden was so cool with the dolphins and big cats. Those crazy magicians sure take good care of those cats. The Wax Museum was kind of weird. You'd see a figure out of the corner of your eye and expect to see a tourist but instead it was Oprah or Bono or something. After that we took a taxi back to NY, NY and had Chinese for dinner. I've had better Chinese food. That's for sure. The whole gang went to Fremont Ave. after that for some old Vegas fun. We saw the lights and the tourist traps and the slots. It was very retro cool. Then Katey and I headed back to the hotel to get ready for Zumanity. It was a very strange show with nudity and contortion and singing and nudity and dancing and nudity. Those French-Canadians are wacky! But soon it was time for bed.

We had to be to the airport by 7:30 or something stupid like that. We were waiting to board next to a mother and father who named their children after Disney princesses, Ariel and Jasmine. The mother didn't have teeth or pants that fit very well. And even though the kids could walk and talk, they could still throw temper tantrums. They could throw them at the gate and in the plane. Another point for me never having children. Finally we landed and got home to Rochester. I had foolishly agreed to work the next day. I left work early and slept for seven hours before going to bed again.

Blogging in spare time

2008-03-06T17:09:00.002-06:00

I'm at work waiting for the centrifuge to stop so I can work with strange people's saliva and smell their bad breath. This might be one of my least favorite parts of my job, the salivaries. It's time consuming and stinky. As is the urine, but for some reason, it's not as bad.

My life is going pretty alright. I joined the fancy-schmany fitness center and am trying to take advantage of that in my quest for health and hotness. On a scale of 1-20 (1 being where I started and 20 being Charlize Theron) I'm at about a 1 1/2. It's slow going. I don't believe what my mother says about my genetics, that I'll lose weight quickly. I come from Northern European stock. My people had to retain fat to survive and stay warm.

In other news, I'm going to Las Vegas this Sunday for fun and relaxation. I bought an amazing dress and a pair of jeans that makes my butt look more amazing than it already does (one upshot to fat retention). Me and my friends are staying at New York, New York. That's about all we have planned so far. I think we're going to be playing it by ear most of the time. I'm looking forward to it.

The centrifuge just clicked so that's my signal to go. I hope you all have a great weekend and maybe I'll tell you about my trip later.

My fictional world equivalents

2008-02-11T18:27:00.000-06:00

J.D. from Scrubs - I also have an inner monologue and often escape uncomfortable situations by creating alternative scenes in my mind. I'm also pathetically awkward.

Dewey Finn from School of Rock - I'm a giant music nerd with a weight problem that berates others for their taste.

Lucy from While You Were Sleeping -
"Do you believe in love at first sight?
Nah, l bet you don´t. You´re probably too sensible for that.
Or have you ever like seen somebody and, and you knew that if only that person really knew you...they would, well, of course, dump the perfect model that they were with...
and, and realize that you were the one that they wanted...to just grow old with.
Have you ever fallen in love with somebody you haven´t even talked to?"

More facts

2008-02-10T14:11:00.000-06:00

1. Cesar Millan is a miracle-working genius!

2. Sitting on your couch and eating pizza is no way to lose weight.

3. Even if I were currently dating someone, I still wouldn't want to do anything for Valentine's day. Because...

4. There is nothing romantic about the month of February.

5. Edward Norton and I were meant for each other.

Wednesdays on TLC

2008-02-06T19:04:00.000-06:00

Medical trainwreck shows!!! Half man, half tree! I Can't Stop Growing! The Man With No Face! Dr. G: Medical Examiner!

Watch it, squirm, enjoy.

Facts

2008-01-22T20:59:00.000-06:00

1) I spend half of my evenings yelling at my bird to shut the hell up.

2) In spite of what everyone says, Ryan Seacrest is good at what he does.

3) I cannot find a brown tweed skirt to save my life.

4) I truly feel that "Idiocracy" is more accurate than people give it credit for.

5) There is a talent to raisin-cake inverse ratio on American Idol auditions.

Musical ecstasy

2008-01-09T20:08:00.000-06:00

Who wants to go see The Black Keys with me on April 11th? I'm going to buy a few tickets this Friday.

A weekend of movies...

2008-01-06T02:02:00.000-06:00

Best arms - Matt Damon
Best jawline - Viggo Mortensen
Best smile - Edward Norton
Best eyes - Orlando Bloom
Best upper body - Brad Pitt
Most damn charming - George Clooney
Best voice - Ian McKellen
Best stare - Colin Firth
Best accent - Liam Neeson
Most versatile (wacky sidekick) - Alan Tudyk/Steve Zahn
Most Do-able - Patrick Carney

I was an awesome sixteen year-old

2008-01-04T17:16:00.000-06:00

"Oh my god! My invitation hand-out, went, like, freaken' awesome!"

When did people with hundreds of thousands of dollars at their disposal start talking like this? About twenty to thirty years ago the chilren (especially girls) of the extremely wealthy became idiots. Before that, they used their wealth to better themselves by taking lessons in the arts and dabbling in science. Now these ladies spend all their time shopping and drinking and striving so hard to be famous (or at least really popular). "My Super Sweet Sixteen" on MTV is the best example of this. The girls on the show berate their parents and then expect a brand new Cadillac or BMW or some other really expensive car. They make the biggest deal out of the dress and obsess over their grand entrance. If the littlest thing goes wrong, they flip out. The same girl with the invitation hand-out said "I've been waiting so long to have all this power and all eyes on me." What the hell did her parents do? All these girls are bitches.

Hallo!

2007-12-30T02:10:00.000-06:00

Sendin' out a big "Wie gehts?" to all my readers in Germany.

Just checkin' in.

2007-12-19T22:55:00.001-06:00

Hey guys. I was wondering what you guys were up to? Let me know how you're doing. I'll let you know how I'm doing. Awkward. Cause, you know, I've got a reputation to uphold.

Funny band name pt. II

2007-12-15T21:04:00.001-06:00

On second thought, the band name was Aborted Fetal Bird.

Awesome band name

2007-12-13T16:42:00.001-06:00

The other day I was hanging out the house of a few of my friends and we were talking about how the eggs of different bird species would taste. Mitch suggested sampling robin eggs in the spring but I shot it down because there was a good chance that there was an actual bird inside. "And then," I stated, "all you'd have is a plate of aborted bird fetus." Which I then remarked would make an excellent name for a band. Mitch and I decided to form a band. We would first request to open for Black Valentine and theme ourselves as wizard metal. We will call the audience muggles and wear our hair black and in mohawks. If anybody suggested that we associate ourselves with the occult we would call them mudbloods. Of course we would speak in British accents. I think this is going to work out great.

Fundies are funny...and frighteningly ignorant

2007-12-04T20:13:00.000-06:00

Critical, rational thought is the most important weapon in fighting extremism, in any form.

I have a new favorite song

2007-12-01T19:42:00.000-06:00

Everybody needs to watch this video and look at how cute that cat is. But more importantly they need to listen to the song. Is it not the cutest thing ever?

It's 12:30 AM...

2007-11-27T00:23:00.000-06:00

And I can't sleep. It's probably because I keep coughing and I can't breathe through my nose. It's tough to rest when one is so sexy.

Thanksgiving Destructacular!!

2007-11-25T20:59:00.000-06:00

Who knew that taking down agricultural structures could be taken down so easily. Some sledge hammers and a tractor and then AWESOME!!! Here's video proof. Thanks to my cousin for providing the hammer sound effects.

Oh man I want to see this!

2007-11-18T22:48:00.001-06:00

http://www.apple.com/trailers/independent/kingcorn/trailer/

Conjuctivitistravaganza!!

2007-11-16T19:48:00.000-06:00

I've been engaging in an epic battle of the ages with this beeyatch of a cold that has tried to claim my respiratory system for its own evil purposes. I blame it on the flu shot I got last week. The WFMC (world-famous Mayo Clinic) must have given me a live virus as some sick medical experiment without my consent. On Monday it started with a stuffy nose and crazy-painful muscle aches in my neck and shoulders. Then it progressed to a classic cold with the sneezing and coughing and runny nose and everything else you'd expect from a nasty little virus. Then on Wednesday night, all of a sudden, my right eye started producing a lot of matter like it was irritated or infected. I went to bed telling myself I'd be better by tomorrow and nothing would come of it. Well, the next morning I could open my eye...sort of. But at least it wasn't tingly or anything. Just squinty. Then disease reared its ugly head and I couldn't breathe or focus my vision or talk, really. So I went to Target and bought an arsenal of cold medication. The next morning could only open my right eye. And through that right eye, I could see that I was already half an hour late to work (thanks to the knock out drugs I had taken the night before). Luckily I was only an hour late to work and STILL finished my work on time. That's how amazing I am. Who's the best lab technologist ever? That's right. I am! Now I'm drinking orange juice and hot tea and watching What Not To Wear...through a cloud of fuzzy eye floating thingies. Hot.

Post Secret style post

2007-11-12T21:06:00.000-06:00

If boys could see how flustered I am after we interact, they'd probably be flattered...and have more self-confidence.

Crazy ignorant hate rant

2007-10-24T21:55:00.000-05:00

Have you ever heard of a show called Inside Brookhaven Obesity Clinic? It's on TLC. I've only learned one thing from it which is contrary to the point of "The Learning Channel." Anyway, the one thing I've learned is that morbidly obese people (at least in the New England region) are incredibly selfish! This is one of the few facilities in the US that caters to people with that particular disability and the absolute minimum their patients could do is comply with basic rules and policies...like not order food to be brought in. One of the keys to weight loss is diet modification. One of the heaviest patients is close to 800 pounds. He can't get out of bed and he's ordering pizza and Chinese food and barbecue. But he wants a wheelchair so he can move around. The hospital has to spend $9,000 to get one specially built. Unfortunately it takes two to three weeks to get it. But he wants to move nooooooow. Cry me a river fatty! So he wants to leave (before the chair even gets there) so he can eat what he wants without being judged. To late tubbo, you're already on national television being judged by 18-26 year old women and housewives. Quit being such a selfish lard-ass! Even your fellow patients hate you. It's your fault you're this big now deal with it.

If I were a Simpsons character

2007-10-23T21:47:00.000-05:00

Look at me go!!

My New Roommate

2007-10-20T23:55:00.001-05:00

One week ago today I was hanging out with my mom after a long day of her making me spend my money. I had no idea there was so much stuff that I needed...like new dishes and organizational baskets and an ironing board and things to make my bed 6 inches higher so I can keep crap underneath it. But we had a good time and hopefully I won't be spending like that for a while. She was glad to see Spike in such a nice home environment. What? You didn't know? Spike has moved in with me. Don't know who Spike is? He's the family bird that came to us relatively sane, lived in my bro's room, went insane, and then was nursed back to sanity while living in the dining room. Yeah, he's pretty awesome. He keeps most of his pooping to his cage, lampshades, and my pants. Yep, there's my little poop factory.But he's really quite loveable when he's not pooping. Like right now he's sleeping on top of his cage with his head all turned around backwards nestled in his wing. I washed his whole cage today and he thanked me by biting my hand when I gently placed him back in his cage. Spike is such a sweetheart. But on the upside, now when I talk out loud, I'm actually talking to something. He's really easily amused too. His cage has been in the same setup for years and he's perfectly content to just sit on a perch and look at himself in a mirror all day. He's quite vain. But he does have feelings. For instance, he's in love with one of my dish towels. I guess he likes the sage green color. Or maybe it's because the towel doesn't get angry when he poops on it. Now that's love.

Sittin' on the couch

2007-10-14T10:46:00.000-05:00

Ahhhh...sittin' on the couch and blogging with my mom. Life doesn't get any better. I finally got cable and internet after and long and arduous struggle with charter. I had to call in favors and promise my first born child to some guy. But I got it. I'm hooked up to my Airport express and everything is at peace with the world. Now today mom and I are going searching for a new comforter for my bed and then maybe we'll get some Chinese for dinner. Mmmmm...Szechuan dog. Further updates to come when I'm loafing around later.

Too much wine

2007-09-08T19:10:00.001-05:00

I decided to drive up to St. Cloud today to celebrate my aging with my college friends. I'm hanging out at the wine bar with only my computer right now. Adam (whose house I'm sleeping in tonight) is working right now and luckily, his place of work is attached to a wine bar! So I'm taking advantage of some free internet and delicious wine and loosening my inhibitions with unrestricted access to modes of communication with no self-check option. I'm expecting some messages on facebook tomorrow. I think you're pretty!

2007-09-06T15:39:00.000-05:00

Happy birthday to me! I'm 24 years old today. I'm now so old MTV doesn't even want me on The Real World. Not like I'd want to be though. That job I interviewed for...I got it. I'm living in Rochester now. I got a 1 bedroom 1 block from the Mayo. I can now afford the extra room, cable and internet, and possibly a subscription to Netflix. i'm already learning the layout of the town and can find my way to a grocery store, Target, Hollywood Video, work, a few malls, and both Chipotle locations. As it turns out, I know a few people here. My favorite Chipotle employee from St. Cloud now works here. An old friend from St. Cloud now works at the Mayo and a high school classmate works at IBM. So I don't even have to go out of my way to make NEW friends. Although I probably will. Curse my bubbly personality. In preparation for the job I had to give them some urine (didn't even pee on my hands), take a TB test (I'm not infected), send them a transcript (it didn't have my degree listed, try again), fill out a background/credit check (I am who I say I am), and verify my veteran status (I have never served in the armed forces). I am also now immune to Hepatitis B. So, I guess everything is pretty much in order. Now I need to figure out what I'm doing tonight so I don't spend my birthday sitting in my apartment watching House on DVD and eating cookie dough out of the tube.

Some weird dreams and other things noteworthy

2007-08-01T01:54:00.000-05:00

This past weekend I had a couple really strange and vivid dreams.
1) In the first dream, I was acting as campaign manager to Tyra Banks in her bid for the presidency. I felt as though this hope of hers was far fetched seeing as she is weak on foreign policy. I let her know this and she told me I had great bone structure but I had to learn how to use my badonkadonk!

2) Sunday night I was watching "Who Wants To Be A Superhero" with my mom in the basement (I was home for her birthday because I'm a good daughter). In this particular episode the candidates had to question a warehouse owner who had been the victim of Tiawanese burglars. The potential hero Mr. Mitzvah (kicked off later in the episode) suspected that the owner was in on the whole thing. My dream continued his train of thought and, in my feverish, gland-swollen state, my subconscious concluded that he was in on a plot to introduce small pox to the United States. I woke up later with a fever of 102.5...justification for suspecting small pox!

Otherwise I haven't really been up to much. I was home for the Arts Festival in Brookings and saw some good friends from Fargo and Kansas City. Hooray!

For those of my friends on facebook, you'll notice my status has been set to "Jessie is afraid to check her mail." Not email but snail mail. That's how the Mayo Clinic lets you know that you didn't get the job. It's been almost two weeks and I haven't gotten a letter yet. I also haven't gotten a phone call. My parents and I just assume it's because they're taking so long to put together a sweet employment package like my penthouse apartment, company car, corner lab with picture windows on the 9th floor...you know, the usual. Goodness, wouldn't it be a bummer if I DID get a letter in the mail. Quick, everyone who is reading this, knock on wood RIGHT NOW!! DO IT!!

2007-07-11T12:38:00.000-05:00

Good news and bad news. The good news is I passed the interview process for the lab assistant position so now I'm on the waiting list for that. However Tracy, the human resources lady, told me that I'm better qualified for a Clinical Lab Technologist job since I've got my bachelor's and all. When I got home from Rochester I applied for that one right away. I got a call last Thursday asking me to come in for an interview. And this time I'm getting reimbursed for mileage, lodging, and food. If I get this one, I also get relocation assistance for moving, every single benefit under the sun, and better pay. Go bachelor's degree!!! More good news. I had my last day of class EVER yesterday. It was a mock interview to prepare us for the whole "career-seeking" deal. As it turns out, my resume does not suck. It is, in fact, quite good. I also have marvelous interview skills and can write a pretty bitchin' cover letter.
So today I think I'll go to the mall and find a nice summer-type suit for the interview and then make some curry.
Now for the bad news. Last Thursday James and I came home to the announcement that our cat of 13 years had attacked another neighbor kid. Mom then told us she was having him put down. So on Friday morning James and Mom took Oreo to the vet. I still miss him.

This is my ticket out of here!

2007-06-28T02:56:00.000-05:00

So, I had the interview at the Mayo and it went really well. The interview was on Friday. Monday afternoon I got a call saying I had been put on the waiting list for jobs. However, after the whole process on Friday one of the Mayo people recommended that I apply for a technologist position that had just been posted so I did that the minute I got home on Friday. On Tuesday a call at 10 am woke me up and it was another woman from Rochester saying that they will keep me on the list for lab assistant jobs until I'm placed on the list for a technologist job. At least, I think that's what she said. I mean, I had just woken up. So, what it boils down to is that I'm probably moving to Rochester, Minnesota. It's the same distance to the Cities as St. Cloud is AND the drive from St. Cloud to Rochester isn't that bad. It's about an hour more to Brookings but it's a straight shot on Hwy 14. And, if I can write down a job at the Mayo on a grad school application...well, it looks good. Let's just say that.

Exciting!

2007-06-20T13:55:00.001-05:00

Hey kids, how's it going? I've been good. I started my final class last week. It's hard. Tomorrow I have to give a 30-40 presentation on atherosclerosis. I'm already nauseous thinking about it. But at least I got an easy topic. Some poor girl got cardiac function. I would have been screwed. So on Thursday afternoon I give my presentation and then right after that I'm driving down to Rochester, MN for an interview at the Mayo Clinic! Eeee!! It's just a laboratory assistant job. But it's also the Mayo Clinic!!! Yeah, I just got the call today. I'm also waiting to hear back from a lady in Kansas City about an interview for a technologist job at Quest Diagnostics. I've completely given up on finding a job in St. Cloud. I'm to the point where I don't even want to live here anymore. Just give me a city with a Chipotle and I'm good.

Speaking scientifically...

2007-06-11T14:39:00.000-05:00

It really bothers me when creationists call what they believe in "creation science." It's not a science. Science is about using multiple lines of evidence from different, reproducible experiments and research to draw a conclusion. Creationists' only form of evidence is the bible...which has no supporting evidence. Religion is based on faith, blindly accepting something. Science is based on skepticism. The two are opposite. I wish those crazy evangelicals would get their garbled, backwards ideas out of our business.

I don't smoke but...

2007-06-09T10:39:00.000-05:00

If you want free tickets to the Black Keys show at the Fine Line on June 28th, go to the Camel website, sign up for an account, and search their events in Minneapolis and get a free ticket that way. I've got mine...and I might be going alone because you can only get one ticket per person.

Insert trombone sound here

2007-06-02T10:23:00.000-05:00

Augh! Once again! My dreams, crashed upon the rocks!! Let me give you a quick rundown; Black Keys announce a show in Mpls. at First Avenue, I check First Avenue website, nothing, I email a fellow Mpls. Keys fan, private show limited tickets keep checking website, show cancelled. Dammit! Why do they do this to me? Don't they know I love them? I do! Oh well, I'm sure something will work out.

Hard work be damned!

2007-05-31T14:27:00.000-05:00

Ever since my summer job at 3M where I witnessed two retirement "parties" I've had a list of things to do before I die. They include seeing all the James Bond movies ever made (in order), go bungee jumping, travel to Paris, and pay off all my student loans by the time I'm 40. I think I should add "get a job based only on my own merits."

At some point today or tomorrow, the director of clinical labs at the St. Cloud hospital will give my resume a look based on a referral from Dr. Bob Johnson, executive director of the Centracare Heart Center. The reason I'm getting this miracle is because I know someone who is friends with Bob. I hate the fact that the only reason I have a chance at a job there is through the people I know, not my skills or education. I'm very good at lab work! I would be awesome at a job in a clinical lab here or at the Mayo clinic or in Minneapolis. But I have to network and wheedle and suck up to get a job. As you can tell, it really bothers me.

My very first job was at a video store where the owner knew (and loved) my mom. As I was walking out the door after my interview she asked me, "Are you Linda's daughter?" A day later I got the job. Fortunately I rocked it so nobody thought I was hired because of my genetics. My second job was as a janitor at the 3M warehouse. Every summer temp was a child of a 3M employee. But I was the best summer temp that ever worked there! And my third and final job was a lab tech at the Plant Diagnostic Lab at SDSU. I was hired by my best friend's dad. References were not checked, resume not read. As it turned out, I was a blessing to that program and now I have an AMAZING reference.

But the point is, I have never gotten a job based on previous work experience or performance. If I knew the right people, I could be the next Attorney General. I'd probably do a better job than the What's-his-face who has the job now, who probably knows the right people. It really bothers me that less-than-qualified people are getting jobs based simply on how well they socialize. For the past ten months I have been trying to get a job at the St. Cloud Hospital and if I'm hired as a result of just knowing someone (the resume hasn't changed that much) I will be ten times more cynical and jaded than I am now. Whoa.

But I'll still take the job. Cause Shakespeare got to get paid, son!

Mario Paint Panic!

2007-05-30T16:32:00.000-05:00

The Bro was up to visit two weekends ago and, as is tradition, we went to town on Mario Paint. James was inspired by South Dakota's own Terry Redlin. As you can see he did a very good job with the lake and the ducks and the trees.

I proceeded to ruin it.

I felt that the picture was lacking a certain industrial element so I decided to combine the pastoral and futuristic worlds by adding a robot with laser vision. One of the ducks is on fire.